If I could describe what I've been learning over the past two semesters of my life (assuming each year of post-college life is divided into thirds), I'd sum it up in one word: Trust.
While reading the background information for Romans in my study bible, I stumbled across this little definition: faith = complete trust. Biblical literary equation. I like it.
Faith = complete trust. Huh. I'm starting to see that my life is really shaped by what I trust in, aka what I really have faith in. I listened to a Tim Keller sermon recently where he was pointing out the necessity and existence of religion and faith in the world. He said it is something central to the way we live, addressing the idea that all of our actions and perspectives, even if someone is an atheist, are centered around some set of beliefs and faith.
I have a tendency to put more trust in what I can see over Him who is invisible yet always there. To trust in things of the world over my God who created everything. I've been wanting to let go and trust Him on the conscious level while still subconsciously clinging to control of things in my life. Control that I... don't actually have.
I think of it like a sponge sitting at the edge of an ocean. The ocean is big, beautiful, and filled with so much more complexity than the sponge will ever know or understand. Now, for that sponge to only try and soak up a little bit of the ocean in one of its corners? A) defeats the purpose of the sponge altogether, seeing as how it's designed to soak up much more water than just a corner and B) seems almost ludicrous. At best, you could use it to rub a stain out of a shirt or clean some spilled salsa off the counter.
A couple of weekends ago, I was a sponge sitting on the edge of crystal clear, aquamarine waters in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. So. stinking. beautiful. All I wanted to do was run splashing into it. So I subtly (or maybe not so) suaded my sister until she agreed to go ocean kayaking with me (hooray!). Yet, fear overcame me. "There are sharks out there... What if they think I'm a dolphin in my kayak and come and tear me to pieces?" A silly thought, really, seeing as how ocean kayakers go out there almost every day and shark attacks happen maybe twice a year in the states. Also, it was 2 p.m., and shark feeding time is at dusk (common knowledge). Even the owner of the Aloha ocean sports shack where we rented the kayaks said he felt comfortable sending his four year old son out there on a "weenie" boat.
So, I'm staring out at this gorgeous waterfront, sitting safely in a reclining beach chair (rough life, I know), and realized a connection between deciding to go kayaking and my life - God's calling me out into the adventurous, beautiful, mysterious, unknown waters to trust Him, to have great faith in Him, and I'm clinging to the sandy, predictable shores exclaiming, "No!"Like the sponge on the edge of the ocean, it's silly to just sit here.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)
This truth keeps coming to mind these days. I'll wake up with it echoing in my mind. This is where You have me, Lord - letting go of everything I think I know or understand to trust in You first. To seek You above all else. To love You and believe in Your great and amazing love for me. To let go and trust You above volatile feelings or worries. To believe that I am truly beloved of the King.
It's time to dive in. To 1 John 1:7 this joint. Okay, here goes something great.
