on the way back, denn asked me how i was doing... i couldn't really answer so i asked him about what's goin on his life. after a while, i answered his question. i was overwhelmed - i have so much trouble expressing myself. i can somewhat explain what i'm feeling, but it takes a little while to get to why it is i'm feeling that way.
i told him that i think i have three levels.
surface level - conversation, humor, acquaintances
deep level - what seems like i'm going deep with others
deepest level - what i don't even understand sometimes. the level i need to discuss out loud to organize my thoughts and try to decipher them
at my deepest level, i've been feeling confused... like i don't understand my relationship with God - wondering if I really know Jesus, if I'm really following Him.
Denn told me that because I'm still seeking and pursuing Him, I'm following Him. There's often a disconnect between what I'm learning and how I live it out. Jesus works in my life, He reveals things to me - but I'm not trusting in Him. I need to live and act out in faith, not in fear. In hope, not in worry. In joy, not in negativity.
Here we gooo...
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